The Liability

Before reaching my teens
I nearly killed two people

The first occasion
Was when I was
Changing my bike tyres;

Before starting
I told my cycling buddy
Gerry, to sit well back
As accidents happen

I slipped my long blade
Between the tyre
And wheel rim
And strongly pulled
The blade back
To dislodge the tyre
Unfortunately
As I was exerting full-force
In order for the tyre to be free
My blade lost grip
And it swiftly jabbed
Though the air
Landing neatly entwined
Inside Gerrys left eye

He had sneaked closer
Behind my back
To see what I was doing

He let out a loud scream
As blood
And parents
Began to spray
All over the place

He was hospitalised for two weeks
I was beaten with my mothers slipper
And called an evil cunt
For the next four weeks


The next accident
Happened when I was playing at golf;

Alex, the four year old neighbour darling
Was following me about
Pestering me for a shot
Of my driver
I gave him a few shots
But he still walked about me
Like a new born foal
With his safari suit
And roman soldiers toy hat

I was teeing-up for a big drive
I told him to stand well back
As accidents happen

I swung the golf-club back
Before cracking the ball
Into the distance
Unfortunately
As the driver was completing
Its quick, powerful swing
It smacked Alex
Who had inexplicably
Stepped forward
Right on the the side if his roman helmet
Before he fell silently
Onto the grass

He had to be operated on
Brain surgery
Hospitalised two months


To this day, I'm sure
That when I talk
To people who knew
In those days
They are thinking about
Gerry and Alex

They do not believe
Anyone could have had
As much bad luck
As mine

Sometimes
I don't even
Believe it
Myself

A Magnetto Influence Poem

Ones view after a few drinks with a Magnetto Influence member.

A Magnetto Influence Image

My Death

Until it happens
You don't how close
It is
It's always there
Always

Almost got me last night
7.40pm, 6 December 2007
Yes, I nearly left the party early
Last night

Driving along the M-way
In the wind and rain
50 mph as recommended
Thinking everything
Is under control

And then
As if from nowhere
As if The Big Man
Had been reviewing my sins
And thought he'd teach
Me a lesson -
The back of an articulated lorry
Was filling my windscreen

I stamped on the brakes
And grabbed the steering wheel
As I aquaplaned to total carnage

Thankfully my tyres were new
And my brakes were good
Otherwise dear reader
You would not be
Reading these words

A Magnetto Influence Poem

What's between a womans legs is stronger than any mans arms.
A Mexican old wives proverb acknowledged by the Magnetto Influence Philosophy Department.